by Wu Runmei

The romance of Valentine's Day was virtually unknown to the Chinese until very recently. In the last couple of years, however, young people in particular have taken a growing liking to the idea of a special occasion for showing the one they love how much they care. To mark this year's Valentines's celebrations, seven Chinese people from different generations shared their reminiscences of romance with Beijing This Month. Their tales reflect many enormous changes to have affected affairs of the heart in China over the past five decades, but be they exotic or commonplace, funny or sad, each shows another facet of love.

The 1950s - Birth of a New Era

In the early 1950s, China was adapting new social forms in the wake of the Communist victory in the civil war.

"But the old thoughts could not be changed immediately. The most important criterion was still men dang hu dui (marrying someone with similiar social status and economic background)," said Liu Cizhen. Now 72, Liu was working for a church-owned hospital at the end of the 1940's.

"People were respected by others if they worked for hospitals or in teaching and professional jobs like that. I was a nurse, and I looked for someone who also had a respectable job." Liu's husband Sun Xiaozeng was working for a bank when the two got married in March 1950.

"Couples were introduced to each other by friends, relatives or matchmakers," recalled Liu. "Then they went on develop their relationship and soon got married if they were from old-fashioned families. There were people who got to know each other themselves and then fell in love, but it was very rare. People would rather look down on them and say they were not respectable.

"The biggest change the liberation brought was monogamy. This gave justice to women. I remember one of my relatives, who is about my age, was about to have two wives. But he had to give up one because of the new regulation.

"Young lovers at that time went to parks or cinemas, the same as they do now. But to me, young people nowadays have changed too fast. They become practical too soon. I am quite old-fashioned. Many of them misunderstand the concept of romance. I think it should have higher standards and is more related to things spiritual. Being 'romantic' nowadays is too materialistic and worldly."

The 1960s - Political Correctness Takes Over

Comrade cadre:

I intend to start a courtship with comrade Zhang Fenglan. I hereby ask for the approval from the Party organization.

Zheng Zhiguo

"Many couples were introduced to each other by their colleagues, neighbors, friends or relatives at that time," said 60-year old Zheng Zhiguo, who got married in 1968. Zheng used to work for the Chinese airforce. People who served in the army or military-related units had to go through a special procedure to get married.

"The first step was to report to my cadre that I was going to have a girlfriend.

"The party organization sent someone to contact my future girlfriend's unit and carry out an investigation into her. It was mainly about her political and moral attitude and the class status of her family. These things were also the major concerns in choosing one's spouse. I would not choose someone who was catergorized as di (landlord), fu (rich peasant), fan (reactionary), huai (bad element) or you (rightist)."

Once the examination was passed, the party organization would inform both sides that they could begin their relationship. Then the two people would start to tan lian ai (talk about love).

"People talked mainly about their works, what they learned from studying Chairman Mao's works, or whether they did well in dou si pi xiu (fighting selfishness and repudiating revisionism) and things like that," said Zheng. "It was very rare for people to express personal feelings or to say words such as 'love'except to express their love for Chairman Mao, the Party and society. When I wrote letters to my wife, I addressed her as comrade Zhang Fenglan."

Weddings at that time were simple and Cultural-Revolutionized. They could be held in a meeting room or one's home.

"Our cadres and some colleagues were invited," said Zheng. "There was no banquet; we just bought some candies. The main activities were reading Mao's works together and singing revolutionary songs."

The 1970s - Age of Innocence

The movement to shang shan xia xiang - go to work in the countryside and mountain areas - defined the young lives of a whole generation in the early 1970s. Starting from the end of 1968, about 17 million teenagers followed the call.

During the years of working together, some of them naturally fell in love.

"More than a hundred Beijing students went to Yan'an. My husband and I were two of them," said 50-year old Feng Hui. "I was a member of the commune's journalism team and often wrote articles. He was always my first reader.

"We didn't work in the same Production Team. Our way of communication was mostly through letters, which were mainly about our work and study. Looking back at those years, the funniest thing was to walk together with him on the street or in some public place. We would keep such a great distance that people who didn't know us would have no idea that we were actually lovers."

Feng married her husband on 22 September, 1976, 13 days after Chairman Mao's death. The whole country was in deep mourning. Feng and Ma went back to Beijing on their holidays and got married quietly.

"No ceremony, no banquet and I didn't even have a new dress. I became a wife in such a flustered and simple way," sighed Feng. "Think of that. I was kind of foolish."

"It was a desireless time rather than a time of asceticism." said Zhang Yinnuo. Zhang went to Inner Mongolia in 1968 during the shang shan xia xiang movement. There he met his future wife Qu Shaoning.

"We thought about marriage only when making a final decision about whether to stay on the grasslands or go back to Beijing. Before that, we seldom thought about love, sex or marriage, although we were about the right age and the people of the grasslands were rather open on these matters. To construct our frontier was all we thought of at that time.

"Yet we did have our passion and love. We could hardly dare to look into each other's eyes, and we'd flush even when our hands touched. I don't think youngsters nowadays can ever enjoy the charm of that kind of love, so
pure and innocent."

The 1980s - Love Set Free

In the 1980s, China was recovering from the chaos of the Cultural Revolution. Old concepts and traditions were challenged. Breaking loose from the rigid and simple forms of the past, the philosophy of love in the 80s went through some great changes.

"In my village, couples used to be brought together by matchmakers," said 30-year old Li Ping, who grew up in Gaoshang Village, Henan Province. "In the early '80s free love was still very rare. I remember there was one couple who started their courtship without going through any matchmakers. People pointed the finger at them and talked about zi kangde (a contemptuous vernacular way of saying free love)."

"Gradually, people accepted free love," said Li. "Many young people went out of the village to study or work in big cities. If they brought back their lovers who they met outside, they would be highly admired by our
village folks."

Material considerations also became increasingly important as people grew richer thanks to economic reforms.

"Wealth was an important criterion when a girl was choosing her future husband," said 31-year old Zhou Lin. "The bride's family would ask for a certain amount of money as a betrothal gift from the home of the bridegroom. It could be around ten thousand yuan, and the money was used to buy a telelvision, bicycle, furniture and things like that. People talked about the liu da jian (six big things) or ba da jian (eight big things), or even more big things, depending on how much money people had."

"My two brothers were married in 1983 and 1984. Their weddings had huge banquets, which was also the trend then," recalled Zhou. "Our relatives, friends and village folk were invited. We had about 30 to 40 tables and each table had eight to ten people."

Another trend followed, especially in big cities. "I cared about whether he was on the same educational level as me," said Feng Hua, who married in 1985.

Weddings became simpler and more practical. Collective weddings and "travel weddings" came into fashion.

"I'd rather spend my money on something fun than waste it on banquets and meaningless extravangance." said Feng.

The Late '90s - Let Love Rule

Diversity is the watchword at the end of the century. Respect for individual choices is taking center stage in Chinese people's social lives.

"Love has become too loaded a word that I don't positively approve of or aspire to," said 23-year old Zhang Xiaoyu, who is a graduate student at one of Beijing's famous universities. "You can define it as many things, such as support, attachment, admiration, sympathy, comfort... I would rather treasure some true feelings than search hopelessly for that indefinable and vague thing which is called love. On the other hand, it is always a good thing to leave love uncertain so that people can always hope and make things better.

"As for marriage, I don't see much necessity for it yet besides for some practical and material necessities. Marriage can definitely bring two persons close. And this closeness and sense of security is something that we can hardly have in love. But this join can also cause problems if the two sides don't permit each other some personal space or freedom."

"If I meet the one I love and is suitable for me, I will marry him," said 41-year old Xiao Miao, who is still unmarried. "But it's OK if there isn't such a person for me at all. I'd rather keep single than to live with someone I don't love.

"I don't feel heavy pressures, either. People care more about topics such as the Internet, stocks or earning money these days. Who has time for other people's business? Our society has become much more open. Staying single is nothing to be ashamed about."